desperate
Hello everyone. I could really use some serious prayer and support right now. I just had a major bomb dropped on me last night. My husband told me he is gay. We have no children and have been married 2.5 years and together for 5+. He says it is only "desires and feelings" never actions. He says he wants to stay together that he loves me and doesn't want a divorce. When we were talking last night he said "I don't know if you want to stay together and just let me (made running fingers) from time to time" I of course said ABSOLUTELY NOT! If he wants to stay in this and chooses me then he can go without physical contact too.
I just feel like my heart is dieing right now. I have never been so hurt or angry in my life! Last night I was in denial. Today I feel more depressed so who knows what tomorrow will bring. Please everyone pray for father to give me guidence and then help me live with whatever decision I make.
DOY
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"You take the blue pill, the story end. You wake up in your bed and believe, whatever you want to.... You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes...."
I've prayed for your guidance DOY. I too am going through a very depressing time right now, so I know how hard it is. Just keep hanging on to that hope in the Lord.
1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
matt 6: 34 "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."
Hello DoY, I wil be praying for you as well.
Take it to the Lord, and follow your heart.
Remember, the Lord said, I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
You do not owe this man anything. Do what is right to keep yourself whole.
God Bless!
Dear DOY, I will pray for the Lords guidance for you. My personal thoughts are that your husband may already have been involved with a another person in the capacity you fear. How deep this supposed contact went could be more innocent, but for him to be saying what he says, means he has been thinking on it for some time, and may have well explored it some already to "know" how he feels about it. But I will definately pray!
my heart goes out with my prayers.Know that the Lord will and is guideing have faith daughter of Yah and he will direct thy steps let his mercy and love shine through and He will be a light unto your path praise His precious name and His indwelling Spirit will Guide you throughOriginally Posted by DaughterofYAH
Lord we believe,help our unbelief for you have given us all things that pertain to life and goddliness
I really don't know what to think at this point. He says there hasn't been anyone but I don't know. I would have trusted him with absolutely anything 48 hours ago, but know I just don't know. My main concern is this: What do the scriptures say about all of this. I mean I know what it says about homosexuality but what if anything about what to do if you are married to someone who decides to LITERALLY kill your heart in one sentence. I am angry, but not at him. I know that doesn't make sense because none of you have lived it, but it's the truth, I'm really not angry with him. I'm angry at the situation and that now it has to be fixed. Then theres the fact that he says he doesn't want a divorce, he still loves me and will do whatever I want. That just scares me. I don't know how to feel, what to think, or where to even go to talk to someone. Unfortunately I have a friend who just weeks ago had the same thing happen, but her husband had been with other men after the birth of their first child, and while she was pregnant with the second and he had moved someone in just about as soon as she moved out. She of course is very bitter but I really don't want to go there. I don't want all of this to be ugly or mean or end in a BAD DIVORCE. I just don't know. If anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it, but I'm telling you know, if it turns into a bashing session I will leave the forum and not come back. I can only take so much, and that is not on my list at the moment.
I know it's crazy, but I really do still love him, with all my heart. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Father brought us together, I'm just trying to figure out where I went so wrong as to deserve this. All I feel is an eaten up black pit of despair in my chest that just keeps growing and I fear it will consume me. I'm at an absolute loss as to what to do or where to go. So again, if anyone has any insight and isn't interested in blaming or pointing fingers please, please, share what you have. I need it.
DOY
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"You take the blue pill, the story end. You wake up in your bed and believe, whatever you want to.... You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes...."
Hi Daugher,
If this is going to work out you havet let it go and trust him. Has he lied to you in the past if so what were the circumstances. If I may recommend you and your husband should go to conciling I myself would recomend clergy Is the head of your church approachable
"here this applies to your situation my emphasis are in bold
Matt 19:3-9.The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4.And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read , that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5.And said , For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6.Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together , let not man put asunder .7.They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away ?
8.He saith unto them , Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9.And I say unto you , Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery : and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery .
this concerns me does your husband know this couple howclose a relationship does your husband and this man have?
,then work through it, is your husband a professing christianstop blaming yourself grown people are responsible for the thoughts that they entertain he is the one that entertained the thought of being with a man and apparentlyfor some time for him to think himself to be ahomosexual
DOY[/QUOTE]he needs to know that this condition of him being gay is not permenant like any sin he can gain victory through the Lord God in Heaven
Lord we believe,help our unbelief for you have given us all things that pertain to life and goddliness
Lightbearer,
I appreciate your response and the care and concern that you show. Thank you.
Now to your questions:
You said;
If this is going to work out you havet let it go and trust him. Has he lied to you in the past if so what were the circumstances. If I may recommend you and your husband should go to conciling I myself would recomend clergy Is the head of your church approachable
I honestly can't answer this question. My husband and I were recently church hopping because of a situation at our church that had become quite a problem and we have visited EVERY other church in the area and have not been able to find one where I am spiritually fed. Not meaning to pass judgement but the churches in my area have a very "well, it was good enough for grandpa, so it's good enough for me" mentality. Even when their families or church leaders have been doing something wrong for YEARS and you can show it to them in scripture and have proof they still will not accept any truth other than there own. Plus there is also the fact that there aren't any fellowships in the area that I agree with on several key points and I cannot in good conscious sit and listen to a sermon that I know is a lie. Long story.
"here this applies to your situation my emphasis are in bold
Matt 19:3-9.The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4.And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read , that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5.And said , For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6.Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together , let not man put asunder .7.They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away ?
8.He saith unto them , Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9.And I say unto you , Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery : and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery .
this concerns me does your husband know this couple howclose a relationship does your husband and this man have?
,then work through it, is your husband a professing christian stop blaming yourself grown people are responsible for the thoughts that they entertain he is the one that entertained the thought of being with a man and apparentlyfor some time for him to think himself to be ahomosexual
he needs to know that this condition of him being gay is not permenant like any sin he can gain victory through the Lord God in Heaven
I am beginning to wonder at this point if he even still believes in him. He and I have been traveling different paths in this area for quite a while.
Then you asked:
this concerns me does your husband know this couple howclose a relationship does your husband and this man have?
Closer than I am comfortable with. We have known them for years. The husband was once in a very popular local "christian" band, lead singer, amazing voice, and was on the praise team at church. When he told his wife it started as "just feelings" and the more time passed after him telling her he was gay the worse the truth got. It turned into several affairs including one going on when he told her the truth!
then work through it, is your husband a professing christian
I in all honesty don't know what he is. He has been dealing for the past year + with severe depression and anxiety and even been put on medication. I avoided any situation or topic of conversation that made him upset, anxious, nervous or angry. Religion was one of them. I assumed it was because of what happened at church and just let it go. Oh and did I mention, his best friend is also gay.
stop blaming yourself grown people are responsible for the thoughts that they entertain he is the one that entertained the thought of being with a man and apparentlyfor some time for him to think himself to be ahomosexual
I wish I could say I agree with you. I don't see how this couldn't in some way be my fault, am I not a good enough wife? Was he not fulfilled in our marriage? I just don't know. He says he still loves me and wants to stay together but after the LONG conversations we had prior to our wedding about what I would and would not accept from ANY man I was very angry and hurt when he made the 'running fingers' comment. I wanted him to know what he was getting into well before we got married and I can't even tell you how many times I said, "There are a lot of things that I will take and work through with you, but these are non-negotiables. If you ever cheat on me, hit me, or lie to me about something important I WILL LEAVE." Did I not spell it out clear enough? Did I need to break it down and say, "cheat with another woman OR man"? I didn't think those three things would be that hard to understand.
he needs to know that this condition of him being gay is not permenant like any sin he can gain victory through the Lord God in Heaven
I know this and you know this, but like I said I really don't know if he even believes in Father anymore. I really don't know, and that breaks my heart even more. I am so confused and upset and I have no idea where to even begin thinking about what I need to do or say or even think about. I know what the scriptures say about divorce but I wonder how much I am supposed to endure before Father will save me from this nightmare, there is absolutely no other way to describe this new level of h*ll I have been thrown into with one little sentence. I just don't know. It would be different if I could feel Father's presence but it seems that even he has abandoned me. I know in my head that he hasn't but my heart feels nothing but emptiness and pain. Is He there? How could He be with this sucking black hole that is devouring me from the inside out? How could he stay with/in someone who is as empty and yet so full as I am?
DOY
___________________________________
"You take the blue pill, the story end. You wake up in your bed and believe, whatever you want to.... You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes...."
I'm rather puzzled because I can't see how any of this could be your fault.
This is the work of a lying spirit ("demonic critter" if you'd rather). And from the albeit limited information you've been able to give, a rather common and strong lying spirit at that.
1 Corinthians 15:33 YFVp Be not deceived: evil companionships corrupt good morals.
Yehu
PS: It is difficult because of your dual relationship, both "brother and sister" in the Lord as well as "husband and wife".
Galatians 6:1 KJV Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
The squeaky nail gets the hammer.
Einstein was right. God doesn't play dice with the Universe. He plays roulette. (Learned it from the Russians.)
Hon
The act is an abomination to Jehovah...the almighty God...he ESTABLISHED the marriage arrangement and meant business with no defiling of the marriage bed.
He loves the person...but hates the act.
Thoughts are implanted in the mind first...before the act is actually committed.
Sin starts with the thought (what is in the heart)...then causes the action...
Yehu was correct in speaking about lying spirits...anything that goes against God's word is from the liar.
Any thought or action that we may have...we have to take it to the word of God and if it is against what is written..it is from the lying spirit...NO MATTER WHAT THE THOUGHT...
Even not following what is written is a sin...
The best way to fight a demonic liar...is to PUT the TRUTH TO HEART.
YOU are in a battle...
Not only just him...but YOU.
The wife...you will have to answer him mildly...
You are the believer...and what you say regarding the word...will save your husband...
But you have to remember the MILD part. A mild word turns away wrath.
SO...where to start? I would love to start a Bible study with you concerning this...
What you learn, you will be able to share little bits and peices in word...with your husband...as a GUESS WHAT I LEARNED TYPE OF THING...then say a little bit...then leave it at that...if he has a question in what you learned, then answer him...if not, let it go...because when you speak light in a dark place...little bits of light get in there...remember it will be a heart that we are dealing with...how you respond will make and break your marriage.
What you put in your mind...makes NO ROOM or PROVISION for the devil...when we draw close to Jehovah God...he flees.
You will have to build up yourself FIRST and get ready for the spiritual battle...
and what you learn...give him little bits...never condescend or bring him down in your conversation...but BUILD HIM UP...take the scripture in Galatians 6 that Yehu just posted to HEART...it is hard to train the heart into mildness because of what you are going through...our first thoughts are anger, betrayal...etc and etc.
Remember Jesus fellows killed him...
He could have allowed himself to have anger thoughts...betrayal thoughts and etc and etc...anger, wrath and etc. are not the fruits for the believer...
Jesus said...FORGIVE THEM for they know not what they do....
Forgive your husband now hon, for right now, he really does not know what he is doing...
Look at the Fruits of the spiirit and put them to heart...gear up...because to win a battle, you have to understand the battle...get your weaponry...study about PEACE...
I will make myself available to you to help you...
PM ME at any time...
It takes time to study and practice...so you will not come out at first smelling like a rose at all times...but little bits of perfect practice...
The perfect practice is to practice the word...
Again...training to be mild...takes lots of effort...
But you know what is behind the thoughts and what is behind your husband...your battle is not flesh and blood (your husband) but it is with the wicked spiritual forces. BEHIND HIS ACTIONS....keep this always always always tucked in your heart...
Last edited by jersech; 01-05-2010 at 03:29 AM.
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